29. The Lego Theory

I love words and I consider that to be my own universal truth. Even though I am built and rebuilt every single moment, I highly doubt that that part of me will ever change. I know, words aren’t always necessary, sometimes words are used with the sole purpose of hurting and while none of those contribute to my thesis I believe that language is still the most powerful tool we own. I think too much, and my thoughts race in my head day after day, too fast for me to even grasp the majority of them. But I also listen … Continue reading 29. The Lego Theory

28. Moving Out

Despite the fact that I’ve carried this need to write something about what I am going through for at least 3 weeks, every time I actually sit down to write nothing has been coming out in a coherent way. I just blurt out words and get lost in my own reasoning. But that’s what quiet mornings are for. I have to go to work in approximately two hours but for now, it’s still pretty dark outside and so, from my cozy bed on a monday morning, I’ll try once again to bring my thoughts into paper. I have moved out. … Continue reading 28. Moving Out

27. Hecticness

I’ve been waking up at 6.30 am (if not earlier) day after day like clockwork. There’s stillness all around me and yet my world has been hectic ever since the day I stepped foot outside. Life terrifies me. Constantly. This tingly breeze of freedom makes me want to hide inside next to comfort and stagnation, but I can’t. So instead, this engine has been humming for days and quite frankly I don’t know how to make it stop. I’ve been surrounded by unfamiliar faces the streets don’t yet speak to me and my inner map is still not fully built … Continue reading 27. Hecticness

26. Trying Change

Today I am writing to no one other than myself. I think I’ve been putting this off repeatedly for the past few months and I can’t help but think that this has got to stop. So, Dear Me, I think it is finally time you and I change our life, don’t you think? We’ve given ourselves nearly 365 days to mourn the loss of someone who still walks upon this Earth, just simply not by our side. And maybe that was too much, maybe he was not worth not even a third of the time we devoted to him, but … Continue reading 26. Trying Change

25. Finland

Two weeks ago I returned home after a two week holiday with my family in Finland. I have to say, going there I didn’t have very high expectations. I thought we would lack on activities to do and I was worried the weather wouldn’t be appealing because that’s what you expect from a northern country. But oh man was I mistaken. These holidays in Finland were all I could have asked for and more. There were trees everywhere, forests even, not many cars in sight and usually a bicycle on the road. There weren’t many people around either, even in … Continue reading 25. Finland

24. Confidence

Up until I was 10 there was nothing I loved more than to look at the world upside down from the poles of my primary school’s playground. Back then, I could care less if other people were seeing my legs, belly or underwear, I was unapologetically me. But then puberty happened and with it came acne, curves and this unexplainable need to cover myself up. To be as invisible as possible. It is not like I was a very confident child back then, but then again I didn’t even know what confidence meant. All I knew is I was okay … Continue reading 24. Confidence

23. Casualty

If I close my eyes and disappear will anyone notice I am gone? How long would that take? For anyone to remember me, for someone to need me? Is it so bad to fear oblivion? To fear walking so lightly upon this earth I forgot to leave a mark? But what if I wanted to leave a mark all along? Then what did I do wrong? Marks are not always positive, it’s a fact, but I never meant to do harm I just wanted to leave roots for new life to blossom. Maybe that’s it. I am finally aware of … Continue reading 23. Casualty